I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
