How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
