he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize