just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
