I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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