Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
