I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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