This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
