I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
