his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
