Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
