Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
