The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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