This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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