Your face is a jimmy john
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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