Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
