Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I believe in your delicious
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
