They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sobbing to NWA
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
