Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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