Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
