Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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