Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
