I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
