his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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