Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
