I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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