I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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