i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
