I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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