you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
