It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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