just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
