Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
