so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He? As in you personified your dick?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
