I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
