Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
