Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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