So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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