So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
