I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
