i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
