THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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