Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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