they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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