i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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