I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
