dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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