So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
