someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
