i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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