Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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