it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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