I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
