I skipped work to stalk him.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
