you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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