Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
