I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
