pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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