Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
