i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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