i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
