it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
