strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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