You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
