Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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