i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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