"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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