Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
