I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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