Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
