We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You made out with two different species that night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
