Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
