if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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