David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
